'Smart condom' wants to measure your performance and warn you about STIs

If smart technology wasn't enough, one British company thought it would be a good idea to create a "smart condom" that can track everything from performance to girth size to even calories burned during sex.

Adam Leverson, lead engineer on the i.Con project said: 'Not only have we innovated the world's first smart condom ring - that'll measure pretty much every aspect of performance in the bedroom - but now I'm pleased to confirm that it will also have built-in indicators to alert the users to any potential STIs present'. After bedroom activity dies down, you can pair the ring's data with the i.Con app via Bluetooth for further analysis.

How fast are my thrusts?

Well, if you don't have a penis, the i.Con has nothing for you, because it's basically just a way for men to brag about how hot their genitals can get.

It's a question most men have had mid-coitus, rising gradually in their minds like the process of nature taking its usual course: Am I doing sex good? Frequency? How many different positions you use in the period of a week, month or year?

The device is now set to retail for $73, and charges by being connected to your computer with a micro USB cord. Because sure, let's gamify sex.

The ring will come with a one-year warranty and have a micro-USB charging port to provide up to eight hours of juice after a single hour of being plugged in. The company did not immediately respond to a request for comment. "With over 96,000 pre-registrations for the product, we know that this is a complete game changer", Aaron Slater, British Condoms spokesperson said in a statement.

Anxious about privacy, the data kind?

British Condoms vows that "all data will be kept anonymous, but users will have the option to share their recent data with friends, or, indeed the world".

Forget dick pics. Now we have to worry about dick status updates.

  • Joanne Flowers